There are times when I wish I could explain....! Explain my life, explain my future, explain how I feel about someone, explain what is going on in my heart! Explanation doesn't come easy at times. I am in one of those times. For instance, lately, the question of my life has been, SO where are you going? Well...that is a good question. It is also one I currently do not have an answer to. I know where my heart longs to be. I know where I wish I were. I know what I want, but what do you do when what you want has to wait on Gods timing. That is where the explanation gets sticky. So...where are you going? My response, that a good question, why don't you ask God. I mean seriously what do you say. I can't stay in Welch very long, but I also don't feel like going home is going to solve anything. I get a job only to have them give me little to no hours. This is where more explaining is required and I have none. Thats right, you heard me....NADA! I guess I am just in one of those wierd times where only God can explain my future.

In the mean time, I get to hang out with some of the greatest people ever. I have been hiking and swimming lately and it has been a blast. Thank you Lord for Great friends! :)

Speaking truth!

There are moments in life when you have to be honest with people and speak into their lives. These times are not fun for me. I would much rather just let the issue go and put off the whole challenge my brother and sister in Christ. However, there are times when you know something is right to speak up on. You see, some people you meet you see so much potential in. When you look at them it is almost like you can glimpse the great things God is going to use them to do in the future. However, in the present, you can see something in their life that is going to hinder God working. usually, I find it easier to just pray that God will change this in their life. However, I know that this is not always what God calls me to do. Like it says in Proverbs, as iron sharpens iron so one man or woman sharpens another man or woman. So...sometimes you have to roll up your sleeves, prepare yourself, and speak tough words into the lives of those you truly love.

God help me in the moments when I must do this as a spiritual leader to not shirk my responsibility but stand up and speak into peoples lives what is right!

A Time to be Hidden!

There have been few times in my life when I have felt hidden. It is during this time that I have felt so alone at times. I have felt like my world has been taken from underneath me and I am in a strange place where it is time to take identity stock. I guess for a long while I have been in college and if I wasn't in classes I was busy involving myself in ministry, especially evangelism and youth ministry. These past few weeks have been the first weeks in about 5 years that I have not been involved actively in ministry. I will be the first to admit that this time is not the easiest on me. It has been a time that at first I didn't understand. However, during this time I have re-learned to place my identity solely in God. I have been able to recapture my first love again.

Over these weeks I have become broken again. I have prayed more than I have in years. God is birthing a vision so deep inside me that it takes my breath away. Today, I fell on my face in the carpet of Welch as God began to relay to me his heartbeat. I literally feel like out of this hidden time GOd is birthing a vision to reach this generation of young people in the depths of my being. I have gotten to the point where everything else is meaningless. I am bound to the cause of spreading God to dying generation. I think this is the place the Lord has been trying to get me to. A place where God face is all I seek and through seeking his face he reveals to me how to reach a generation of students that is in desperate need of Gods touch.

This generation of young people has gotten so deep in my heart over the past 4 years. I see their faces at night. I cannot help but hear their cries for help. It keeps me awake at night to think that students that walk past me every day have never heard of Jesus Christ, besides as a cuss word. It bothers me deeply that youth minsistries have become inward focused. I can stand it no longer. I cannot stand it to the point that I feel like God's passion for this generation to come to know him is bursting within me. I lay awake at night thinking about how to disciple students. I get excited about how to teach students to reach into their communities and lives around them and make a difference to God. I am ruined to the cause of reaching this generation for Christ.

I challenge all of you that read this to allow God to begin to ruin you. Allow his passion to get inside of you and grip you so deeply that nothing else matters to you any longer.

Horseshoes and Lincolns Tomb!

This past weekend I got to go to Springfield, Illinois. It was nice to be in a Springfield besides the one I presently reside in for now. The road trip there was eventful. We blew a tire...and I found myself actually learning how to change a tire. Yah...this nice police officer stopped and told us we picked a bad place to blow a tire...which made me laugh because its not like you can control where your tire blows. He was a sweet officer though and I am glad he stopped and helped us. We ended up having to drive at 65 on the interstate all the way and it was great times. When we got there I had the privilege of experiencing a "horseshoe." Now this is an illinois tradition. It is where you have toast covered with a meat and freshfries that is all covered with cheese sauce. It was delicious!!! Thank you Darcy's! (This is the local place that serves this delicacy)

Also, I got to see the famous Illinois state capitol that I have heard so much about. Supposedly it looks most like the National Capital. (at least thats what my friend AJ believes) I also got to see Lincoln's tomb...which was a little scary to be inside of...but really beautiful! It was a great trip. I love going to new places!

I finally graduated CBC. There were times when I never thought this moment would come. Now it seems it has come all to quickly. I feel as though I blinked and my time at CBC was done. Graduation day came quickly and ended quickly. It makes me both sad to leave friends behind, yet excited to face the future and all that is ahead.

I am proving every day that God still has a sense of humor. He seems to enjoy suprising my in my life. I find myself still living in Welch, working in Springfield, waiting to get a youth pastor job. It is quite and interesting time really. There are many questions in my life right now left unanswered. There are situations I wish I knew the end to. However, I know in it all that God is crafting my life and guiding me. I cannot wait to be a youth pastor. Lord...send me out soon!

This past Friday was Junior Senior! It was such a great day/night! I straightened my hair for the first time ever! (Thanks to my great friend Barbara who tamed it with her Chi?) Anyways, it was a great night. Besides a few awkward moments, it was a great night! The theme was Mafia...and it was a blast! One where I looked back over the past four years and laughed and towards the end almost cried! Its been a great 4 years spent at CBC. I have met some of the greatest people who are going to do great things for Kingdom of God. It is tough to realize that we are now all going to be moving on, but I know one thing...and that is that I cannot wait to see what God is going to do through our lives and ministries.

Finally, there was the after party!!! Now this was called Wiggin through the decades. AJ and I switched wigs and it ended up being a hilarioius night. We went roller skating and I am pretty sure that I fell about 12 times. The greatest moment was when I fell doing the Cha Cha and told AJ I was done and skated off. I spent the rest of the night with ice packs on my knees and wrist.

Anyways....good memories! I am going to miss CBC!

I love this pic! It looks like Brook and I were cut and pasted into it! Speaking of Brook, I want to send a shout out to this great woman of God! This girl is going to rock your face off for Jesus. I know she is going to be an amazing college pastor some day. I look forward to hearing in the future the creative, cutting-edge things she is going to be doing in churches. So rock on Brook!!1