HIS LOVE

There is nothing like your Grandpa dying to draw you to some new perspectives....to draw you to a new place...to draw you back to where you have come from. This week has been tough. I have shed more tears, been more vulnerable, then I have allowed myself to be in years. The truth is my heart is shouting this week--I AM NOT ALLRIGHT! However, we get through life. No matter how hard it is, no matter how hard we mourn, no matter how many tears are shed, the week continues on.

This week I lost my Grandpa and I let go of a love that I was not entitled to. It was tough. When things leave--when you have to let go all at the same time--IT HURTS. I am hurting today, but in the midst of it all, God's love is so huge. It envelops my heart in the midst of mourning and letting go. God reminds me its okay to not be allright....its okay to mourn and its okay to be broken.

Thank you God for your love at this very moment.

What to do....?

In life there are moments when you wish that you could get a direct yes or no answer. However, there are moments that are more complicated. In fact, more is at stake. The entire direction and course of your life will be changed by one decision. These are not easy moments. In fact, these are the moments that draw me to the Word and make me ask, "God what do you want me to do?"
Sometimes I expect a flash of lightening, a thundering voice from the sky telling me what to do. However, that is not often the answer I get. Often the answer I get is the peace that comes when I walk in the right direction. When I am headed the wrong way I have to walk past several warning signs and pretty much ignore God.

So this brings me to the place I am at this very second. I could easily force something. I could easily avoid. I could easily choose the easy choice. I could easily just BE!

Or I could open myself up to God and allow him to speak....allow him to direct my steps......

Tired confessions of a bi-vocational youth pastor!

Today is one of those days. Ever have them??? I am having one of those days. The honest truth is that I am ready for a change. I am ready for a breakthrough. I am ready to see God move. However, today was just one of those days. I feel so beat up--but then I look to my God. He is so huge and everything else is so small compared to him!

So what do I do when I am facing this day--I know that my God will bring the breakthrough soon. I don't give up when the problems seem bigger than the solutions. I don't give up even when rest seems like such a distant pleasure! I will not back down!

God help me today....I am tired!

There are times when I feel alone in this place--a bi-vocational minister. Then i am reminded that the strongest man stands beside me--HIS NAME JESUS CHRIST!

Normal????

"Sometimes you got to step out of the normal that you live in to realize that your not the norm! There is a lost world out there that is within our reach if we will just take that one step."

This was the thought that came to mind tonight sitting in a living room in a poor area in Springfield. The smell of cigarette smoke, alcohol and drugs were present in the place. Cigarettes hung out of mouths while they sipped on alcohol. It was like a stop and smell the roses moment, OR RATHER STOP AND REALIZE APRIL THAT THIS IS THE WORLDS REALITY WITHOUT GOD. OUCH!!!

This is the thought that comes to my mind every week when I encounter the issues of students who were not raised in church. They don't know how to be a Christian...and certainly don't know how to act at church. We point our fingers, yell at them, but forget that it is our responsibility to first teach them in love how to be a Christian!

If we would just step out of "NORMAL" in church ministry, I have a feeling that God would begin to do huge things in the blocks of Springfield and Willard. If we would begin to think beyond "NORMAL" I think that the church would be actively reaching into unchurched students lives and reaching the alcohol smoke filled homes in America.

What is it going to take for us to have a "UN-NORMAL" thought? What is it going to take to help us realize that our normal as Christians is not the reality of America.

I think its time for us to pray that God would help us to reach the NORM! I think its time for us to seriously take that step....get out of our norm.

Visit an unsaved person's home...come to my youth group on Wednesday...go to a basketball game and listen to how the people act and say!

Its time for us to realize....WE ARE NOT NORMAL! How can we reach the NORMAL? How can we reach our world!????

The Victory is worth the FIGHT

"If you want a great victory, you have to be wiling to get into the battle and fight!" Henry Reiber

We tell God that we want to do great things for him. Yet, God doesn't always give us EASY stuff to do. The things he calls us to do come in packages that are quite intense and require that we fight for them. So before we tell God we want to do great things for him, we should ask ourselves first, "Am I willing to literally do whatever it takes to accomplish what God is calling me to?"

Lately, I have been in the fight of my life for some things. Last Wednesday, I was driving home seriously asking God why he chose me for these challenges. He asked me a question that is pretty basic. He said, "April you said you wanted to do great things for me right? Did you think it was going to be easy to see great victories and accomplish great things for me?"

Doing great things for God requires fighting. I daily fight in prayer for the souls of students who are addicted to drugs, pornography, alcohol, sex, sexting, cutting, suicidal thoughts, and a whole long list. I fight for the kid from the broken family who wan't raised in the church. I fight for the student who has never been given a chance or told he/she could do anything of worth in their life. I fight for girl who has been molested and abused and feels no worth. I fight for the unchurched students of this generation. I refuse to believe that drugs, alcohol, broken families, the lies of the enemy will enslave them.

I fight for the single mom who lost her job and doesn't have any purpose. The woman who has yet to discover God. I fight for her son to know the lover of his soul, a Savior.

Why? I know the God who breaks the chains. I know that God who frees from sexual addiction, pornography, drugs, alcohol. I know the God who heals the abused and broken. I know the God that restores broken families. I know the GOD WHO CAN BRING VICTORY IN THESE STUDENTS LIVES.

Call me stubborn, but I am rolling up my sleeves, putting on my boxing gloves and refusing to give up. I will not give up until we see the VICTORY!

Will you join me? Will you fight with me to see a GREAT VICTORY, in Element Student Ministries, or the place God has placed you!!!

Emotions

Emotions are numbing sometimes. You know how you have felt for so long, but you hide it deep down. However, some days it comes up and stares you in the face. It is pointless to deny it, because you know that is has been there all along. But to feel it is harder than to bury it.

Tonight I had to face my emotions yet again. I thought I had conquered them, had them under control and then Bam. Just kidding! It was really a tough moment for me. They were right there again.

So I must wonder what to do with them tonight. It is a good thing that I can again hand them up to God. Hand the source of the emotions up to God. In his Hands, they are yet again secure. He will work all things about for the good of me and my heart.

The Monument Place

I find myself in a place where I want to build a monument dedicated to all the things my Lord Jesus Christ has done in my life. I think that there would be far to many stones to stack in a neat little pile. I imagine that the pile would go on and on for miles. To truly think of all the things my God does for me on a daily basis astounds me. To think that God looked down upon the entire Universe and chose me to be his daughter and his agent to be a youth pastor and reach a generation of students.

Call me crazy, but this is what drives me. There is still so much to be done; so many more stones to be thrown in that stack, but the responsibility lies in my hands. There is a world to reach, but I can choose to do nothing about it. Should I be happy with a gathering of students, when there is a middle school and high school more of students who are devoid of a life with God? Who am I to pretend that the homelessness that is becoming more and more prevalent on the street is okay? Who am I to not give a rip about another family getting ruined by a divorce? Who am I to think that I have somehow arrived?

The fact of the matter is, sometimes in staring at the monument we don’t move beyond it to make a new monument. The point of life is not to make one great huge monument and camp out there. The point is to keep going, keep believing, keep risking, keep walking, keep jumping, keep seeing when no one else can, keep praying, keep working, keep trusting….and keep living out this GOD LIFE!

Tonight I talked with my students and saw in them the attitude I want to develop. When God gives you a challenge, you take it on, not just partially but with guts. Keep believing God that today just might be the day that He will yet again do a great work.

I don’t know about you, but I am folding my chair up and hitting the road. I am ready to see some serious God stuff happen in my personal life, Carpenters House, Element Student Ministries, my leaders lives, students lives, and the lives of the people I work with!