"I'd rather be the woman who passionately pursued the heart of God than a woman who grabbed hold of all else and was completely empty. I desire to be a woman so desperately in love with her King that there is nothing she won't do for him, whether a man walks by her side or whether she walks alone."
I wrote these words a couple years ago! I don't remember all the details of that day, but I remember being in the CBC chapel with tears streaming down my face. It was a year when the Lord told me of what he was requiring of me for my life. It was a year of realizing that to truly follow God's calling for me would be one of the hardest things I would ever do. I realize this to be true! The people in my life who tried to shape my calling to the norm. The 58 rejections from churches this summer, along with numerous discouraging moments this summer all but took all I was. The times when I didn't know how I was going to provide for myself, the times when I didn't even have enough money for food or gas. The moments when things were hardest, were the moments when I realized that pursuing God's calling was indeed one of the hardest things I would ever face! The loneliness of walking alone sometimes. The realization that a silent apartment brings to you at night!
However, there is nothing more rewarding than pursuing God's calling. You see the Lord opened up doors...amazing doors. It was untraditional and raw. It was definitely unchartered territory! It is still. I don't feel alone because I have my students....and until God brings the man of my dreams into my life that has to be enough for me! God brings fulfillment in pouring my heart and all into ministry. I work at a bank to provide a way for me to do my passion. I don't feel empty at night because I am pursuing the heart of God as a woman youth pastor. I am pursueing something worthwhile. I desire to see a geneartion of students saved from a life of sin...a culture of sin! I have realized my worth in the love of Christ and there is nothing I won't do out of my love for Him.
Call me crazy....but I'll tell you that I am MOST ALIVE! Yeah...its tough. I'm not gonna lie. Just tonight I talked with my Mom about how lonely I was feeling and the struggles I was facing. However, I know....with as much emphatic zeal as could possibly fill my heart that its GONNA BE WORTH IT! :)
Friday, March 6, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
Are we willing?
Dare to dream with me tonight! Dream of what God could do in this generation! Dream with me of how we can go into communities that are lost and figure out how to do church! We serve a huge God! We serve a God who can do so much more than we can comprehend! Are we willing to go after the hard to reach places in America? Are we willing? Think about it tonight!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Dialogue from ny life!
Sometimes I think of my life and what kind of dialogue one would write about it. I wonder if one would laugh, cry, sing, smile, or hurt when they read about my life. At times, I feel like my life is a hilarious dialogue, at others times I feel like it is an insane dichotomy. I just wonder....
There are times when I feel like picking up a pen and beginning to write about all that is happening. So tonight I will begin to dialogue about life....
Lately, God has been talking to me about surrender and sacrifice. I am realizing that only in losing everything sometimes can extraordinary worship happen, extraoridinary miracles, extraordinary acts of service...etc! About a month ago, God asked me what had happened to my extraordinary love for him and my extraordinary dreams of what He wanted to do in my life. I had to open up my eyes to the true fact that somewhere along the line...I had gotten caught up in doing and being....and not becoming who God wanted me to be! It was shocking...
You see over this past year, I developed amazing friendships and bonds with people. I graduated CBC. I got my first job in the secular workplace. I got over 85 rejections from churches. I received two invitations to serve at churches that were not Gods will. I turned those churches down. I got called to Willard and church planting. I, by Gods help, developed a youth ministry. I struggled financially like I have never known before. I was unable to pay my bills at times. I was laid off. God provided a new job. I dealt with relationship issues. I found myself feeling lonely. I found myself having to live life ALONE!
Yet...in the midst of everything...I learned so much! I learned sacrificing everything for the call. I learned letting go and trusting God. I learned that if you love something you will give it to God and if he gives it back to you it was meant to be. I learned to lead my heart and not always follow it. I learned I was selfish. I learned I did not know it all...and outside of miracles from GOd...most of the time I would not make it!
SO I was not surprised this week when the Lord asked me for everything. I have been giving him most of myself--85% or more. But with startling clarity God asked me for all of myself. He asked me to return to him as my one and TRUE LOVE! So....if you see me retreating into the arms of Jesus...don't judge me! Help me to become a woman who gives God 100%. I really believe this!
"The World has yet to see what woman fully devoted to God can accomplish!"
There are times when I feel like picking up a pen and beginning to write about all that is happening. So tonight I will begin to dialogue about life....
Lately, God has been talking to me about surrender and sacrifice. I am realizing that only in losing everything sometimes can extraordinary worship happen, extraoridinary miracles, extraordinary acts of service...etc! About a month ago, God asked me what had happened to my extraordinary love for him and my extraordinary dreams of what He wanted to do in my life. I had to open up my eyes to the true fact that somewhere along the line...I had gotten caught up in doing and being....and not becoming who God wanted me to be! It was shocking...
You see over this past year, I developed amazing friendships and bonds with people. I graduated CBC. I got my first job in the secular workplace. I got over 85 rejections from churches. I received two invitations to serve at churches that were not Gods will. I turned those churches down. I got called to Willard and church planting. I, by Gods help, developed a youth ministry. I struggled financially like I have never known before. I was unable to pay my bills at times. I was laid off. God provided a new job. I dealt with relationship issues. I found myself feeling lonely. I found myself having to live life ALONE!
Yet...in the midst of everything...I learned so much! I learned sacrificing everything for the call. I learned letting go and trusting God. I learned that if you love something you will give it to God and if he gives it back to you it was meant to be. I learned to lead my heart and not always follow it. I learned I was selfish. I learned I did not know it all...and outside of miracles from GOd...most of the time I would not make it!
SO I was not surprised this week when the Lord asked me for everything. I have been giving him most of myself--85% or more. But with startling clarity God asked me for all of myself. He asked me to return to him as my one and TRUE LOVE! So....if you see me retreating into the arms of Jesus...don't judge me! Help me to become a woman who gives God 100%. I really believe this!
"The World has yet to see what woman fully devoted to God can accomplish!"
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Confession....Good for the soul?
James 5:16 "Confess your tresspasses to one another, and pray for one another that you may be healed...."
What is confession so hard? We seem to run from it so hard. I find that even when I am with my accountability group the last thing I want to confess is the areas I am really struggling with. Sometimes I talk around them, talk about lesser evils. But those areas in my life never go away....the areas I hide. However, when I am finally open and tell my friends....they pray for me and healing can come. Healing from sin, dissapointments, guilt! Confession is indeed a great thing.
I think one of the biggest reasons why confession is so hard is that we do not trust people! I will be the first to admit that as a Pastor the last thing I want to do is confess an area of struggle to someone who is going to spread it to the world! However, that's not a good excuse to not confess!
Just....a random thought today from the Word!
What is confession so hard? We seem to run from it so hard. I find that even when I am with my accountability group the last thing I want to confess is the areas I am really struggling with. Sometimes I talk around them, talk about lesser evils. But those areas in my life never go away....the areas I hide. However, when I am finally open and tell my friends....they pray for me and healing can come. Healing from sin, dissapointments, guilt! Confession is indeed a great thing.
I think one of the biggest reasons why confession is so hard is that we do not trust people! I will be the first to admit that as a Pastor the last thing I want to do is confess an area of struggle to someone who is going to spread it to the world! However, that's not a good excuse to not confess!
Just....a random thought today from the Word!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
My need to open up!
Lets be honest! I don't do the being open and honest deal very well. Tonight I was sitting the car with one of my best friends...and I just couldn't open up about deep things in my life. Lately, I have really been hiding. The sad thing is that the people closest to me see this helpless attempt to hide! haha....Tonight I am just thinking how I wish the Lord would help me to really open up to people!
Sunday, January 18, 2009
God's Best!
It was a few springs ago. I was in Denver, Colorado, with my team of students from CBC. I was leading a team to minister to inner city Denver. It was at this church that I met this Pastor. She was a beautiful woman. I knew she had been through a lot because she had a baby a couple months before with a whole in its heart. I met her husband. He was this big Samoan man. I remember thinking, "How does a beautiful blond woman end up with this big Samoan man!" Right about the time I was thinking this she told me a story I will never forget. She told me a story of how a few months before she had gone through this awful experience of her baby being born with a hole in its heart. One Sunday she was at church with her husband and the Pastor said if anyone needs a miracle to come down to the altar to pray. She said she felt so tired that day, but got up to go down. She said in that moment her husband reached out and grabbed her hand and said, "No hun you just sit today. I am going to go and fight for our family in prayer. You can just sit and rest." She told me in that moment that this was the type of man I should desire and not settle until I ment him!
I have no idea why watching Bride Wars reminding me of this story tonight. But I was just thinking of the worlds warped view of relationships and the roles in relationships. Maybe its Valentines Day coming up, but I just know one thing.....God intended relationships to be like the one above with the Pastor and her Samoan husband. God intended men to be the leaders in relationships.....and lead their families to God! I just thought of how beautiful relationships are when they are done God's way. I think of my parents who are an example of this....and it makes me praise the Lord for those who are examples to us who are younger! I pray that in our culture we will be reminded of how relationships should be and that we will not settle for anything less than God's best for us! I will leave with this. My Mom always told me that there is good and then there is Best! She said its really easy to settle for good! But only the brave and those who really trust God with their lives wait for the BEST! I pray that all of you will not settle except for Gods best for you!
I have no idea why watching Bride Wars reminding me of this story tonight. But I was just thinking of the worlds warped view of relationships and the roles in relationships. Maybe its Valentines Day coming up, but I just know one thing.....God intended relationships to be like the one above with the Pastor and her Samoan husband. God intended men to be the leaders in relationships.....and lead their families to God! I just thought of how beautiful relationships are when they are done God's way. I think of my parents who are an example of this....and it makes me praise the Lord for those who are examples to us who are younger! I pray that in our culture we will be reminded of how relationships should be and that we will not settle for anything less than God's best for us! I will leave with this. My Mom always told me that there is good and then there is Best! She said its really easy to settle for good! But only the brave and those who really trust God with their lives wait for the BEST! I pray that all of you will not settle except for Gods best for you!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Bells and Prayers
C.H. Spurgeon once said, "Prayer pulls the rope down below and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give only an occasional jerk at the rope. But he who communicates with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously with all his might."
So if you have been near me as of late...you have probably heard me quote this to you! I know that I sometimes overdue things. I am a pretty passionate person. But...this quote is life changing if grasped. Its true that in our daily lives, there are periods of time when we scarcely pray. We are the ones who walk by the bell daily but forget to pull the rope. We may think....gee....I wish God would work in my life like he did a year ago. We forget to pursue, forget to pray, forget to connect with God. In the midst of our daily lives, we offer an occasional, often apathetic prayer, or a prayer over our food...a meaningless tradition.
Other times, crisis times arise and we grab the rope in desperation....asking God to work. Yet, as the hard time roll by, we again forget to pray. We get caught up again...in our lives. Only when we really need something from God do we pray.
However, who are the men and women who will begin to pray with such passion, determination, and dedication to the cause of God that the bells in heaven begin to ring with such fervency that God cannot help but begin to move with revival in this generation. Sometimes I find myself falling in the apathetic prayer or crisis prayer rut....and I complain about things...complain about the church...complain about how people don't love God as much...etc. However, what if I began to pray for the church...and a move of God in it. What if I began to pray for students like their lives depended on it. What if I began to pray for my friends....that God would light a fire in their souls. Is it not true that George Muller lived his entire life dependent on prayer. Do I live my life dependent on prayer. DO YOU? What if we began to live our lives dependent on prayer....? I bet we would begin to see revival in our churches. I bet we would begin to see creativity stir in ministry. I am sure we would begin to see miracles happen again. I am sure of it....when we begin to pray....GOD MOVES!
Aren't you sick of it....wanting more of God...but never doing anything about it. Guys...and gals....lets go hard after God. Lets run after him. Lets ring that bell until God begins to move in new creative ways we have never seen before!
So if you have been near me as of late...you have probably heard me quote this to you! I know that I sometimes overdue things. I am a pretty passionate person. But...this quote is life changing if grasped. Its true that in our daily lives, there are periods of time when we scarcely pray. We are the ones who walk by the bell daily but forget to pull the rope. We may think....gee....I wish God would work in my life like he did a year ago. We forget to pursue, forget to pray, forget to connect with God. In the midst of our daily lives, we offer an occasional, often apathetic prayer, or a prayer over our food...a meaningless tradition.
Other times, crisis times arise and we grab the rope in desperation....asking God to work. Yet, as the hard time roll by, we again forget to pray. We get caught up again...in our lives. Only when we really need something from God do we pray.
However, who are the men and women who will begin to pray with such passion, determination, and dedication to the cause of God that the bells in heaven begin to ring with such fervency that God cannot help but begin to move with revival in this generation. Sometimes I find myself falling in the apathetic prayer or crisis prayer rut....and I complain about things...complain about the church...complain about how people don't love God as much...etc. However, what if I began to pray for the church...and a move of God in it. What if I began to pray for students like their lives depended on it. What if I began to pray for my friends....that God would light a fire in their souls. Is it not true that George Muller lived his entire life dependent on prayer. Do I live my life dependent on prayer. DO YOU? What if we began to live our lives dependent on prayer....? I bet we would begin to see revival in our churches. I bet we would begin to see creativity stir in ministry. I am sure we would begin to see miracles happen again. I am sure of it....when we begin to pray....GOD MOVES!
Aren't you sick of it....wanting more of God...but never doing anything about it. Guys...and gals....lets go hard after God. Lets run after him. Lets ring that bell until God begins to move in new creative ways we have never seen before!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)