Readability

Readability. The dictionary definition is the state or quality of being readable. Every author wants readability for their book. They want people to not only read it but understand it. They want everything to flow. Its all out there on paper: their thoughts, their passions, what statement they are trying to make. Its out in the open to be read by all. An extension of themselves on paper to either be embraced by another or tossed aside.

I like a good readable book, most people who are readers would agree. However, do you realize that our lives are readable? Every day someone is reading you, and your actions are telling a story! For those of us striving to live for God and point others to the Kingdom of God, this should be a good reminder. How I act is telling a story that people around me read.

What story are people reading through the actions of your life today?

The hand of God Favor

I had a conversation the other night with a youth leader of mine. In it I received one of the best compliments of my life. He said, "April the strength of you as a leader is not that you are always the best at everything, but the fact that you have lived a life of purity and the ears of God hear your cries and the favor of God follows you. Everything you touch God blesses. You may not be the best at something, but he will align you with someone who will help make the best happen. Everything you touch, the favor of God seems to come upon and make into gold."

I began to think about the favor/blessing of God. God favor aligns you in a place where your life will bring him glory. You might be successful, but its not to point a finger at yourself and say--LOOK at ME! Rather, people look at your life and say look at what God is doing through her.

I think being in church planting provides the perfect opportunity to shout a life that proves that God really does bless those who remain true to him and follow him out of devotion to His heart. I think of Element. Last week, we had 29 students filling a gym. In a little over nine months--LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE. I founded Element with no ideas on how to plant a youth ministry! God really did breath his favor over it. He has brought the funds, leaders, and miracles.

So my question to you today is, "Are you living a life worth of God breathing his favor over?"

Random Confessions!

"I'd rather be the woman who passionately pursued the heart of God than a woman who grabbed hold of all else and was completely empty. I desire to be a woman so desperately in love with her King that there is nothing she won't do for him, whether a man walks by her side or whether she walks alone."

I wrote these words a couple years ago! I don't remember all the details of that day, but I remember being in the CBC chapel with tears streaming down my face. It was a year when the Lord told me of what he was requiring of me for my life. It was a year of realizing that to truly follow God's calling for me would be one of the hardest things I would ever do. I realize this to be true! The people in my life who tried to shape my calling to the norm. The 58 rejections from churches this summer, along with numerous discouraging moments this summer all but took all I was. The times when I didn't know how I was going to provide for myself, the times when I didn't even have enough money for food or gas. The moments when things were hardest, were the moments when I realized that pursuing God's calling was indeed one of the hardest things I would ever face! The loneliness of walking alone sometimes. The realization that a silent apartment brings to you at night!

However, there is nothing more rewarding than pursuing God's calling. You see the Lord opened up doors...amazing doors. It was untraditional and raw. It was definitely unchartered territory! It is still. I don't feel alone because I have my students....and until God brings the man of my dreams into my life that has to be enough for me! God brings fulfillment in pouring my heart and all into ministry. I work at a bank to provide a way for me to do my passion. I don't feel empty at night because I am pursuing the heart of God as a woman youth pastor. I am pursueing something worthwhile. I desire to see a geneartion of students saved from a life of sin...a culture of sin! I have realized my worth in the love of Christ and there is nothing I won't do out of my love for Him.

Call me crazy....but I'll tell you that I am MOST ALIVE! Yeah...its tough. I'm not gonna lie. Just tonight I talked with my Mom about how lonely I was feeling and the struggles I was facing. However, I know....with as much emphatic zeal as could possibly fill my heart that its GONNA BE WORTH IT! :)

Are we willing?

Dare to dream with me tonight! Dream of what God could do in this generation! Dream with me of how we can go into communities that are lost and figure out how to do church! We serve a huge God! We serve a God who can do so much more than we can comprehend! Are we willing to go after the hard to reach places in America? Are we willing? Think about it tonight!

Dialogue from ny life!

Sometimes I think of my life and what kind of dialogue one would write about it. I wonder if one would laugh, cry, sing, smile, or hurt when they read about my life. At times, I feel like my life is a hilarious dialogue, at others times I feel like it is an insane dichotomy. I just wonder....

There are times when I feel like picking up a pen and beginning to write about all that is happening. So tonight I will begin to dialogue about life....

Lately, God has been talking to me about surrender and sacrifice. I am realizing that only in losing everything sometimes can extraordinary worship happen, extraoridinary miracles, extraordinary acts of service...etc! About a month ago, God asked me what had happened to my extraordinary love for him and my extraordinary dreams of what He wanted to do in my life. I had to open up my eyes to the true fact that somewhere along the line...I had gotten caught up in doing and being....and not becoming who God wanted me to be! It was shocking...

You see over this past year, I developed amazing friendships and bonds with people. I graduated CBC. I got my first job in the secular workplace. I got over 85 rejections from churches. I received two invitations to serve at churches that were not Gods will. I turned those churches down. I got called to Willard and church planting. I, by Gods help, developed a youth ministry. I struggled financially like I have never known before. I was unable to pay my bills at times. I was laid off. God provided a new job. I dealt with relationship issues. I found myself feeling lonely. I found myself having to live life ALONE!

Yet...in the midst of everything...I learned so much! I learned sacrificing everything for the call. I learned letting go and trusting God. I learned that if you love something you will give it to God and if he gives it back to you it was meant to be. I learned to lead my heart and not always follow it. I learned I was selfish. I learned I did not know it all...and outside of miracles from GOd...most of the time I would not make it!

SO I was not surprised this week when the Lord asked me for everything. I have been giving him most of myself--85% or more. But with startling clarity God asked me for all of myself. He asked me to return to him as my one and TRUE LOVE! So....if you see me retreating into the arms of Jesus...don't judge me! Help me to become a woman who gives God 100%. I really believe this!

"The World has yet to see what woman fully devoted to God can accomplish!"

Confession....Good for the soul?

James 5:16 "Confess your tresspasses to one another, and pray for one another that you may be healed...."

What is confession so hard? We seem to run from it so hard. I find that even when I am with my accountability group the last thing I want to confess is the areas I am really struggling with. Sometimes I talk around them, talk about lesser evils. But those areas in my life never go away....the areas I hide. However, when I am finally open and tell my friends....they pray for me and healing can come. Healing from sin, dissapointments, guilt! Confession is indeed a great thing.

I think one of the biggest reasons why confession is so hard is that we do not trust people! I will be the first to admit that as a Pastor the last thing I want to do is confess an area of struggle to someone who is going to spread it to the world! However, that's not a good excuse to not confess!

Just....a random thought today from the Word!

My need to open up!

Lets be honest! I don't do the being open and honest deal very well. Tonight I was sitting the car with one of my best friends...and I just couldn't open up about deep things in my life. Lately, I have really been hiding. The sad thing is that the people closest to me see this helpless attempt to hide! haha....Tonight I am just thinking how I wish the Lord would help me to really open up to people!