Bells and Prayers

C.H. Spurgeon once said, "Prayer pulls the rope down below and the great bell rings above in the ears of God. Some scarcely stir the bell, for they pray so languidly; others give only an occasional jerk at the rope. But he who communicates with heaven is the man who grasps the rope boldly and pulls continuously with all his might."

So if you have been near me as of late...you have probably heard me quote this to you! I know that I sometimes overdue things. I am a pretty passionate person. But...this quote is life changing if grasped. Its true that in our daily lives, there are periods of time when we scarcely pray. We are the ones who walk by the bell daily but forget to pull the rope. We may think....gee....I wish God would work in my life like he did a year ago. We forget to pursue, forget to pray, forget to connect with God. In the midst of our daily lives, we offer an occasional, often apathetic prayer, or a prayer over our food...a meaningless tradition.

Other times, crisis times arise and we grab the rope in desperation....asking God to work. Yet, as the hard time roll by, we again forget to pray. We get caught up again...in our lives. Only when we really need something from God do we pray.

However, who are the men and women who will begin to pray with such passion, determination, and dedication to the cause of God that the bells in heaven begin to ring with such fervency that God cannot help but begin to move with revival in this generation. Sometimes I find myself falling in the apathetic prayer or crisis prayer rut....and I complain about things...complain about the church...complain about how people don't love God as much...etc. However, what if I began to pray for the church...and a move of God in it. What if I began to pray for students like their lives depended on it. What if I began to pray for my friends....that God would light a fire in their souls. Is it not true that George Muller lived his entire life dependent on prayer. Do I live my life dependent on prayer. DO YOU? What if we began to live our lives dependent on prayer....? I bet we would begin to see revival in our churches. I bet we would begin to see creativity stir in ministry. I am sure we would begin to see miracles happen again. I am sure of it....when we begin to pray....GOD MOVES!

Aren't you sick of it....wanting more of God...but never doing anything about it. Guys...and gals....lets go hard after God. Lets run after him. Lets ring that bell until God begins to move in new creative ways we have never seen before!

Frustrating conversations

SO tonight I had this conversation. I said a lot of things that came from the heart. The other person I was talking to towards the end of this conversation said that everything was surface! SURFACE....it was so frustrating. Have you ever been in a conversation when you have said so much....BUT not what you really were wanting to say. That was tonight for me. I feel the agonizing pain now inside of know that I did not say what needed to be said tonight and wondering when I will finally muster the courage to say what I need to....ugh sometimes its hard to be honest!

Spoons and Duct Tape!

Who would think that a little duck tape and spoons could bring so much fun in youth ministry! WOW...what a night last night! We had this incredible bonding moment as a group when we played the shower cap duck tape spoon game! I have never had so much fun watching my students and leaders rolling on the floor trying to get spoons stuck to their heads! It was one of those great moments when you are like, This is why I'm a youth pastor! :)

Ugh....

Ugh...today is one of those days where I feel like I'm losing control! I feel like I am losing more than just money out of my wallet to more and more bills...but I feel like I'm losing one of my best friendships. This hurts...because it seems that every day that passes the less communication that happens, the one less phone call, the one less shared story. And I know...I should just blame it on busyness, but I know there is more to it than that. When I finally do try to extend myself to fix what is being torn apart phone calls go unaswered and texts seem to fall into the ozone and never returned. I hate this feeling...I hate that the one person who means the world to me has become so distant. I hate that we don't laugh on the phone for hours anymore. I hate the fact we don't hang out. I hate the fact that when we do talk it seems to be another argument. ugh...I hate what is happening today and I just don't know what to do!

Element Launch Service

On Wednesday night it began! I could not believe it was really happening. Four months of work finally coming together to create this youth ministry, Element Student Ministries. Now....let me tell you, what a week. On Monday I started to feel so sick, not the normal sick, but beyond aweful sick. On Tuesday, I went to the doctor and found out I had pneumonia. On Wednesday I have Elements launch service. Now as a youth pastor at a church plant, you just don't miss your launch service. Wednesday was exhausting. I kept losing my energy and prayed the whole time. I must admit that I thought that I was not going to make it. I must admit my faith was low...and I was tired.

Let me tell you how awesome the night was. I didn't know if any students would show up. We had 5 students show up. These students don't come to church. They are students that we have connected with by eating lunch at the middle school every week! I was so excited as Element began. By the end of the night I was curled up in the church nursery crying from exhuastion, but crying tears of joy because God had began something awesome tonight. I just know its gonna grow. I know Gods heart breaks for the lost students of Willard. I am excited to sacrifice to be a part of this ministry. Its gonna be worth it. Its gonna be worth it!

Now....pray I get better! I am still very weak and my lungs hurt! :(

Hiking Adventures with Josh and Denise!

Disclaimer: Soo...I thought I would finally post a fun post with pictures! I've been super busy and must admit I've not been the best blogger! :)

Sooo....I love hiking! Recently my I have found friends who are beginning to love hiking as well. Which let me tell you, these people are hard to come by in Missori! Anyways, the other day I took two of my friends with me. The girl...it was her first time! The other guy has already hiked a mountain...so it wasn't as exciting. But it was a lot of fun EXCEPT FOR ONE FACT: Missouri hiking is so different. (Spiders as big as gorillas and snakes tormented us!) My friend josh walked ahead swirling a stick in order to avoid cob webs with creapy spiders everywhere!

It was super fun! Above are some pics from the adventure! :)

NERVES

nerves....that is all I feel right now! I need this job....Lord provide! Please....deliver me from Crystal Suites! AMEN!

Youth Minstry Development....what?

With the launch service a week away for Element Student Ministries, I have found myself either excited out of my mind or feeling like this thing is entirely over my head! Last night I had my second leaders meeting! Can I just say God has blessed me with some great youth leaders! Already we are setting the pace and believing God for great things.

Planting a youth ministry was not taught to me in the classroom. I never heard the words, how to develop a youth ministry when there is none. I even googled it the other day and only found one link for resources on developing a youth ministry! This is an exciting place, WHY? Well, because we don't really know what we are doing. We are just following God and getting creative! Sometimes I laugh with my leaders because they look to me to be the expert! Well...lets have an honest moment. I have interned with three youth pastors, beeen a youth leader for 5 years, and graudated from college with a BA in youth ministries, but I still don't know everything. Far from it....with every planning meeting and every order of service I attempt to put together...I realize how much I admire my mentors and teachers. I admire my youth pastors and the youth pastors who mentored me!

Soo....as I sit here today...I begin to think of this awesome opportunity! God do great things!

I want the cross!

Lately I have felt it more than ever! At night I wake up and it is the first thing on my mind. During the day, I dream of it. I feel it growing bigger and bigger in my heart. I feel my heart breaking more and more. What I am feeling more than ever is my calling to be a youth pastor. It has always been there, but lately it is like God is reawakening in me the burden, the vision, the brokeness, the passion, and the emotion for young people in this generation.

I was in JRA's parking lot a few weeks ago. It had been a phenomenal youth service at Real Life. I was sitting in my car because in that moment God was reminding me of my calling. He was speaking to my heart that I was a youth pastor and he was going to use me in students lives in an even greater way than I have ever known to this point! I began to weep at the thought of being a spiritual mentor, a Pastor to students. It is such a great task....but the call for me to be this is so deep inside of me....I weep to think of being able to reach students!

The other day I was at work! A friend of mine sent me an email of a clip from an ATF event! It was at an ATF event that I first seriously gave my heart to God. I began to weep as I watched this clip. Ron Luce was preaching and at one point he cries out...."Who wants the cross more than all else. Who will take a stand in this generation and say that they want the cross more than all else." In the crowd this student cries out, "I want the cross." That is followed by others...and soon their are students filling the altars crying out among the crowd...I want the cross! I began to weep at work...because there it was again...that calling to preach to students!

I break for this generation. Nothing makes me cry easier than seeing students fall in love with Jesus. Nothing makes me cry harder than when one of my students walks away from God. I am a ruined person. Nothing else matters to me than reaching these students! I look out into this generation and I see millions of facing crying out for many things. I only wonder if they will ever get the chance to choose the cross! I only wonder if they will ever be told the truth...and given the opportunity to scream, "I want the cross."

I pray that I never get to the place where I don't break for students, where their faces don't propel me to do something and take risks in order to reach them!

My best friend!

So...I'm thinking I'm scared! Scared to lose my best friend. Ever feel like the world is tearing you farther and farther away from someone. You try to pretend like everything is okay...but deep down its not. You laugh and joke about it, but deep down you know the days of yesterday are over. You will never live those moments again. Sadness comes over me cause i know that I will not lose my best friend but that things now are different! I wish for those carefree days when we both just had hours to talk and dream about how God will use us! I miss a whole lot....but most of all I'm just missing the times of old spend with my best friend!

Wonder on my friend...wonder on!

Soooo.....I wonder today a whole lot! Ever have those days. Am I going to be able to make in financially? Where is this friendship going? Should I help out with this ministry position or go for this other opportunity? What do I need to do with my free time? How should I respond to the new situations God is placing me in?

Oh...there is so much to wonder about! Its a good thing that God word reminds me that I can make plans, but the Lord will determine my steps. This means that I no longer have to wonder and worry about things. God is in control! :) Soooo...I wonder what I am going to do with this new found knowledge! Oh....I will be quite thankful and wonder on today realizing my God is in control! :)

The things I love!

Recently, I read an article about how our primary love should be for God and for the lost! I agreed…but then I began to think about how many things I deem to love in my life! It generated a funny list. I will share it with you in hopes that it will help you evaluate what it is you love in life and reprioritize it to make Jesus # 1!

Jesus—of course…He rocks my face off and is the reason I live!
Dr. Pepper—so good!
Food—lately I have realized that life without it is just blah
My friends—they are the greatest. I don’t know what I would do without them.
Wireless internet—oh yes…sweet nectar of life!
Frozen Chai—this is one of my favorite things ever
Chocolate—oh oh how I do love chocolate
Dexter—I know its bad…but I love this show. (season two is out on DVD now)
Students—especially junior higher’s…but seriously students are the best!
My family—at times they drive me crazy…but seriously I could not live without them.
My friend’s families—I love meeting them and yes they are awesome!
Movies—oh I love movies….especially Batman…but seriously movies rock!
Amanda—she gets her own category…I love you Amanda!
Golden Retriever dogs—they are precious
Pigs—so so cute! (However, I would never want to have one as a pet so don’t go buying me one!
CBC’ers—I love students and alum of CBC!
JRA—I absolutely love this church….it took awhile…but now I love it!
Church plants—I love the idea of starting something new from the ground up
Colorado—I love the mountains…it’s my home!
The Broncos—yes I love to watch football!
Basketball—I love playing basketball
Running—its super stress relieving…how could you not love a good sweat!
Monk/Psych/Bones/24—I love these TV shows
Youth Ministry—I love and believe in this with all I am
Skinny cows—these are the best little low fat ice cream sandwiches you will ever sink your teeth in
Apples—I’ve tried mostly every apply variety there is…and they are wonderful
Talking about ministry and God stuff with friends—I love to talk about this
Cooking—hmmm…again has to do with food!
Baking cookies—yummy!
Hiking—there is nothing like climbing a mountain and looking down at the rest of the world
Helping others out—I love to see the smile on peoples faces when you do something for them that they were unable to do for themselves
Road trips—YES…I love these, especially with good friends or family
Facebook—gotta love it
Text messaging—I have unlimited…if this explains anything to you!

The process of brokeness!

Have you ever broken a glass and as the shattered pieces go everywhere...you scream! Than you wonder how you are going to get all the pieces of glass off the floor without cutting yourself. Well...if you're me, you will end up somehow cutting yourself in this process. Awe...the joy of broken things.

Lately...I know that God has been breaking me! Now...I must admit that I have not come out of this process without feeling like he has been cutting things out of my life and replacing them wiht things that are much better. Last night, I had one of those amazing times of brokeness. You know the ones I'm talking about...The ones that cut deep!

I was at Real Life. I must admit I didn't feel like leaving that night to go to the adult prayer service. I really wanted to be with students. Thats when I spotted her, a girl who was sitting all by herself. I went and sat with her and I realized how awesome it is to be used by God. I had a conversation with this girl...that reminded me of what my heart is broken for!

After the service I sat in my car crying...just broken. I am so broken for the students of this generation. I pray often for them....and my soul cries out for them. I want to pray over them, preach to them, teach them, disciple them, and challenge them, and launch them forward to be world changers. Lets just say last night was one night I was thankful it took AJ forever to get back to my car. In that time last night....God began to break me for what is ahead! I feel like God is breaking me to be a part of a ministry to students that has never been attempted. I am willing to wait for God to begin to fill in the blanks. I am willing to become more broken. I want to lose the old glass of a person that I was and be made new into a young woman so broken for a generation that it propels me to do what has never been done before! Aweee...the wonderful process of being broken! :)

Just a little update!

SOoo...Im getting involved with a church plant! I know...who would have thought this would happen in Springfield, MO! I just signed a lease on an apartment! Let me tell you, it was intense. It felt like the first big commitment of my life. I was truly scared, yet really excited. I have no idea what each day holds. Every day God blesses me so that I can be a blessing to the people I work with. I love it when God gives me a joy to spread. I am going on an adventure right now. One that takes me away from CBC (Finally!) and takes me forward toward all that God has! I cannot wait. Pray for me cause seriousy at times I feel like I am doing something crazy....BUT than again...serving GOd is all about taking risks! :)

When I'm not okay

Let my be honest....I'm not okay! Today was one of the hardest days of my life. I felt so broken, so over-looked, so forgotten, and so forsaken. I don't think I have ever really been in a place where I have felt such crushing discouragement. Everyone tells you it will be okay...but what happens when you feel like its not okay...and it isn't getting any better. Sooo...most of the time I plaster a smile on my face and tell everyone I am okay...but the truth is I am dying inside. With every rejection comes a dispare that seaps through my skin and into my soul. All I've ever wanted was to minister to students and every day that passes I get farther away from my reason for being.I am a wounded person. Once I stood ready to face the battle. I was full of plans, full of passion, but now I can hardly stand. I can hardly hold to the dream. My faith is still alive during this time...I don't doubt God...but its hard to stand when what God declares over you is crushed by the lack of support in the church around you. I realize now that I wave the white flag of surrender. No longer can I stand...but in Christ I can. In Christ I will be able to overcome and not become bitter.There are times when I wonder if it is worth it. I wonder why I try? I come so close...but I'm still not good enough. I get the calls, emails that say, "OH your gong to make a great youth pastor just not for our church? How long do I have to bear the weight of my gender? I wonder if its worth fighting...when I will be one of the few women youth pastors in the country? Than I remember that I am not the one who called myself. God put a dream in me. So during this time I must stand in his strength. Even when I feel like I have been overlooked....I will stand in Christ's power.I am not okay....that is plainly obvious tonight to me. However, I know in this weakness....I can stand by Christs power. To all my of friends...I do not send this to you for your sympathy.. but really for your prayers. That is what I need the most. I truly can barely stand right now! I would truly appreciate it as I sit at Christs feet for now and rest....as I wait for God to do a miracle.

Unexpected Good News

Have you ever really waiting a long time for something, heard nothing, and were convinced that it had passed you by? This is how I felt this morning until I made a phone call. That phone call gave me hope. Funny how something so small can boost hope inside you when you feel hopeless. It was at this moment today that I was reminded that I serve a God who sees past all I can see and has a plan for my life. He will bring it to pass as I wait during these times of highs and lows.

Investing in Students!

The other night AJ and I hung out with some students from JRA. They were two of those students that you look at and you just see HUGE potential. You know that with a little help they can become great for GOD! It was a great night...one that made me feel alive again. I realized how great it is to be able to use you life to invest in students. This is what I was made for....It was a really awesome moment!

On the way back to lovely Welch....AJ and I began to talk about if we really truly do make a difference in students lives. I began to think of people like Pastor Ron, Brad Duncan, Vicky Kilmer, and Wendy Sebastian to name a few of the people that truly touched my life when I was in high school and junior high. I am who I am today because of their investment. Sooooo....YES I believe that we as youth leaders really can make a difference in students lives...AND IT IS INDEED AN EXCITING VENTURE! :)

Frustration!

Frustation! You know the feeling you get and you feel like you just want to scream/throw something/punch a pillow! YES...I know frustration well. Its been a close friend to me for awhile now! There have been times when I have wondered what to do with it or why I get so frustrated! It seems that I can toss aside my frustration for most things easily, such as irritating people and situations, but yet there is an inner frustration within me that never goes away. This is my familiar friend. I used to feel bad about it. I thought it was wrong to be frustrated about how things are. However, I have learned something in this summer. Sometimes God places frustrations inside us! What is wrong is if you just stay frustrated and never do anything about it. Frustration can be used for good when it propels you to do things you can only dream of. WHen I realized that God had placed inside of me frustrations, it began to change my perspective on life! I began to realize that its okay to be frustrated....WHEN I DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Bill Heybels calls it an "I can't stand it any longer moment." He talks about the things that make us mad can be things that we change. SOOOO...As I look at the church, students in this generation, and the way things are, I get frustrated sometimes, but yet I press on and determine that I am going to do something about it!

92 Degree Moments!

What a crazy week! I came back from CONN and worked 3 ten hour days staight! The AC was out at work. I found myself tremendously disgruntled. I wanted to have one of those pouting times! I suddenly found myself feeling defeated....and sweating a whole lot. In the midst of a 92 degree lobby...I was not a happy camper.

I am thankful in those moments that God sometimes gives us a quick kick in the behind! This is what happened to me. Recently, I have felt God speaking to me that when the going gets tough it requires that I get tougher. By this I mean that I toughen up and realize that when I am going through torturous temps and an uncertain future, in my weakness....i have a powerful God who can break through it all!

I am also thankful for friends who bring out my crazy side and remind me to fully trust in God and live up to my middle name and live a life of JOY! :)

A picture of my summer!

Ahhh...I really do love moments in life when you are with the friends that you love! I just wanted to post a few pics from this past month of my life!

Forward!

This past weekend I experienced NEW! I found myself finally venturing out alone toward the dreams and passions God has placed in my heart. I was visiting a church deciding whether I would be a fit as a staff pastor there. I must admit it was a new experience for me that took me all the way to the great state of Conn. I think for the first time in my life I was gripped with the fact that I was actually going to have to do this thing alone….lol! For so long I always talked about how I wanted to do ministry and now here it is right in my face. I must admit at times I wish I had a man at my side, but I know for this season God wants me to do this thing alone!

However, as I preached this weekend and met new people, I found that this is my passion. This is what I love. I love to go out and meet new people. I love to preach. I love to teach. I love to talk about evangelism. I love to do evangelism. I love to encourage people to be all they can be. I love to think of all God can do through someone who places their life in their hands. I love how God can take nothing and make it something. I love how God can put flesh back on bones. I LOVE THE GOD I SERVE!

So as I sit in the airport this morning and head back to the familiar, to the place I’ve grown to love and the people I’ve loved for last four years, I find that I am not quite the same. In a sense, I have grown through this experience. Whether I go to Conn. or not, I will be moving in the next 4 weeks. I still get a little nervous at the thought, but yet I am exciting because I am living my dream! Sooo….as James Douglas inspires me to say, Forward I must GO!

Ticks!

I love the summer! It is probably one of my most favorite times of the year. Today I walked outside and it was about 100 degrees.

One of my favorite things to do during the summer is going hiking! It is a blast. However, I am used to mountain hiking and not Missouri hiking. The other day two of my good friends and I went hiking and I had my first experience with the tick infesting woods of Missouri. I was completly excited when I got in my car after hiking for about 4 miles going through creeks and mud that I didn't have any ticks on me.

However, the irony to this story is that about 3 hours later I was at my friends house watching a movie when all of a sudden I see it, A TICK ON MY ARM! Yes....you heard me. I started screaming until my African friend told me calm myself and my friend got the thing off of me. Sooo...Missouri hiking has put a whole new definition to what I call roughing it! Sooo...my advice...watch out for the ticks!

There are times when I wish I could explain....! Explain my life, explain my future, explain how I feel about someone, explain what is going on in my heart! Explanation doesn't come easy at times. I am in one of those times. For instance, lately, the question of my life has been, SO where are you going? Well...that is a good question. It is also one I currently do not have an answer to. I know where my heart longs to be. I know where I wish I were. I know what I want, but what do you do when what you want has to wait on Gods timing. That is where the explanation gets sticky. So...where are you going? My response, that a good question, why don't you ask God. I mean seriously what do you say. I can't stay in Welch very long, but I also don't feel like going home is going to solve anything. I get a job only to have them give me little to no hours. This is where more explaining is required and I have none. Thats right, you heard me....NADA! I guess I am just in one of those wierd times where only God can explain my future.

In the mean time, I get to hang out with some of the greatest people ever. I have been hiking and swimming lately and it has been a blast. Thank you Lord for Great friends! :)

Speaking truth!

There are moments in life when you have to be honest with people and speak into their lives. These times are not fun for me. I would much rather just let the issue go and put off the whole challenge my brother and sister in Christ. However, there are times when you know something is right to speak up on. You see, some people you meet you see so much potential in. When you look at them it is almost like you can glimpse the great things God is going to use them to do in the future. However, in the present, you can see something in their life that is going to hinder God working. usually, I find it easier to just pray that God will change this in their life. However, I know that this is not always what God calls me to do. Like it says in Proverbs, as iron sharpens iron so one man or woman sharpens another man or woman. So...sometimes you have to roll up your sleeves, prepare yourself, and speak tough words into the lives of those you truly love.

God help me in the moments when I must do this as a spiritual leader to not shirk my responsibility but stand up and speak into peoples lives what is right!

A Time to be Hidden!

There have been few times in my life when I have felt hidden. It is during this time that I have felt so alone at times. I have felt like my world has been taken from underneath me and I am in a strange place where it is time to take identity stock. I guess for a long while I have been in college and if I wasn't in classes I was busy involving myself in ministry, especially evangelism and youth ministry. These past few weeks have been the first weeks in about 5 years that I have not been involved actively in ministry. I will be the first to admit that this time is not the easiest on me. It has been a time that at first I didn't understand. However, during this time I have re-learned to place my identity solely in God. I have been able to recapture my first love again.

Over these weeks I have become broken again. I have prayed more than I have in years. God is birthing a vision so deep inside me that it takes my breath away. Today, I fell on my face in the carpet of Welch as God began to relay to me his heartbeat. I literally feel like out of this hidden time GOd is birthing a vision to reach this generation of young people in the depths of my being. I have gotten to the point where everything else is meaningless. I am bound to the cause of spreading God to dying generation. I think this is the place the Lord has been trying to get me to. A place where God face is all I seek and through seeking his face he reveals to me how to reach a generation of students that is in desperate need of Gods touch.

This generation of young people has gotten so deep in my heart over the past 4 years. I see their faces at night. I cannot help but hear their cries for help. It keeps me awake at night to think that students that walk past me every day have never heard of Jesus Christ, besides as a cuss word. It bothers me deeply that youth minsistries have become inward focused. I can stand it no longer. I cannot stand it to the point that I feel like God's passion for this generation to come to know him is bursting within me. I lay awake at night thinking about how to disciple students. I get excited about how to teach students to reach into their communities and lives around them and make a difference to God. I am ruined to the cause of reaching this generation for Christ.

I challenge all of you that read this to allow God to begin to ruin you. Allow his passion to get inside of you and grip you so deeply that nothing else matters to you any longer.

Horseshoes and Lincolns Tomb!

This past weekend I got to go to Springfield, Illinois. It was nice to be in a Springfield besides the one I presently reside in for now. The road trip there was eventful. We blew a tire...and I found myself actually learning how to change a tire. Yah...this nice police officer stopped and told us we picked a bad place to blow a tire...which made me laugh because its not like you can control where your tire blows. He was a sweet officer though and I am glad he stopped and helped us. We ended up having to drive at 65 on the interstate all the way and it was great times. When we got there I had the privilege of experiencing a "horseshoe." Now this is an illinois tradition. It is where you have toast covered with a meat and freshfries that is all covered with cheese sauce. It was delicious!!! Thank you Darcy's! (This is the local place that serves this delicacy)

Also, I got to see the famous Illinois state capitol that I have heard so much about. Supposedly it looks most like the National Capital. (at least thats what my friend AJ believes) I also got to see Lincoln's tomb...which was a little scary to be inside of...but really beautiful! It was a great trip. I love going to new places!

I finally graduated CBC. There were times when I never thought this moment would come. Now it seems it has come all to quickly. I feel as though I blinked and my time at CBC was done. Graduation day came quickly and ended quickly. It makes me both sad to leave friends behind, yet excited to face the future and all that is ahead.

I am proving every day that God still has a sense of humor. He seems to enjoy suprising my in my life. I find myself still living in Welch, working in Springfield, waiting to get a youth pastor job. It is quite and interesting time really. There are many questions in my life right now left unanswered. There are situations I wish I knew the end to. However, I know in it all that God is crafting my life and guiding me. I cannot wait to be a youth pastor. Lord...send me out soon!

This past Friday was Junior Senior! It was such a great day/night! I straightened my hair for the first time ever! (Thanks to my great friend Barbara who tamed it with her Chi?) Anyways, it was a great night. Besides a few awkward moments, it was a great night! The theme was Mafia...and it was a blast! One where I looked back over the past four years and laughed and towards the end almost cried! Its been a great 4 years spent at CBC. I have met some of the greatest people who are going to do great things for Kingdom of God. It is tough to realize that we are now all going to be moving on, but I know one thing...and that is that I cannot wait to see what God is going to do through our lives and ministries.

Finally, there was the after party!!! Now this was called Wiggin through the decades. AJ and I switched wigs and it ended up being a hilarioius night. We went roller skating and I am pretty sure that I fell about 12 times. The greatest moment was when I fell doing the Cha Cha and told AJ I was done and skated off. I spent the rest of the night with ice packs on my knees and wrist.

Anyways....good memories! I am going to miss CBC!

I love this pic! It looks like Brook and I were cut and pasted into it! Speaking of Brook, I want to send a shout out to this great woman of God! This girl is going to rock your face off for Jesus. I know she is going to be an amazing college pastor some day. I look forward to hearing in the future the creative, cutting-edge things she is going to be doing in churches. So rock on Brook!!1

Don't Bother Me!

A friend of mine gave me an incredible book to read. It is by Greg Steir and has to do with learning how to share your faith. It is written to teenagers...but this youth pastor at heart loves the message of it. I was rocked by a poem that Greg wrote when he was in high school that he includes in this book. It is called Don’t Bother Me.

"Don’t bother me with souls to save, I’ve got my own agenda. Theres school to do, sports to play. Important stuff to attend to. Don’t bother me with the little girl, The girl playing down the street. She’s much to young to understand the Savior she could meet. Don’t bother me with my friend at school. He’s got his own religion. I don’t have time to change his mind. He’ll make his own decision. Don’t bother me with the distant sounds I hear, the sounds of people screaming. Althought I wonder who they are. What are these victims shrieking? Don’t bother me with who they are. I really don’t want the blame. For its the little girl and my friend at schoo who from Hell scream out my name...but don’t bother me."

When I read this the other night, tears filled my eyes. The reason is that so often no matter how hard I try I tend to get this don’t bother me attitude. Don’t bother me with the lost when I can hang out with my best friends or the guy I like. Don’t bother me when I have ministry to do. Don’t bother me when I have homework to do. Gosh...how far from the heart of the Savior is this attitude.

I am reminded of another story Greg shares in this book. He says to see everyone with a sign on their forehead thats says bound for hell.

God shake me to my core. Help me to reach beyond myself and begin to be bothered by the lost students in this generation. Help me to be bothered by the junior high kids I work with that don’t know you. Bother me with the people in the streets that don’t know you. Bother me until I get up and do something about it. Forgive me for my attitude toward the lost. Break my heart and inspire me to reach a generation of students hungry for the love of my precios Savior Jesus Christ

The Unexpected!

So sometimes life is full of surprises! Wonderful unexpected things that come out of nowhere and shock you. If you see a smile on my face lately....there is a reason. I am experiencing a lot of the unexpected. I am reminded of so many prayers I have thrown up to heaven. I am seeing God's provision. I am experiencing something so incredible that my human hands and mind could have never engineered or imagined. Now...I am not saying that this time is free of its hardships. Its far from it. When the unexpected happens, you have to come face to face sometmes with your greatest fears and learn to trust all over again. Trust...ahhh...thats hard for me. However, I am learning that as I let my guards down...great things can come about.

So....I am thankful tonight that God has given me the unexpected. It is a blessing I am so thankful for! :)

Overcoming Fear has been a desire of mine for a long time! However, it just seemed that I could never look my fears in the face. One of my greatest fears is snakes. One of my friends has too snakes....pythons of some sort. Well...a friend of mine challenged me to hold the snake! Now over the process of a week, I decided to take AJ up on his challenge and I found myself actually holding a snake. I cried and pretty much hyperventalated in the process...but I am thankful I did it. I am also thankful for friends that challenge you out of your comfort zones to move beyond fears!

This is my friend AJ who is in love with Lilith...the snake!

Valentines Day this year was a blast. I spent it with some of my favorite people on the CBC campus. So many of them are going to do such courageous, awesome things for God. Just wanted to send a shout out to some of the greatest! :)

ICE SLEDDING!

I must say that this was a first for me. I have never sailed down a hill on a cardboard box and felt like I was on a roller coaster only not secured...but it was a blast! I would not trade the memories for the world. I went two nights in a row. Now my body is bruised up and sore...but it was worth it! :) Yah...for ICE SLEDDING!

The Unexpected!

The UNEXPECTED!!! I learned that is is a part of life. I either love or hate it. Sometimes you have weeks that bring you both good and bad unexpected moments. This week was one of those weeks for me. I realize this is what is ahead of me for awhile as I approach the future. Everything that lies ahead is going to be full of unexpected. For the longest times I have been fighting it. However, the other day God spoke to my heart that he can most fully work through me during times of the unexpected. As soon as God gripped my heart with that reality I have been forced to live it all week. So many unexpected things have arisen that have tested me to the max. However, I find that in the unexepted something happens to me. I begin to take risks. I find myself jumping finally when during times of normalcy I never would.

The other day I realized I have been standing at the edge of jumping off the cliff of God's will for my life. I have been so scared to jump. I keep making excuses for how their are jagged rocks below and no one to catch me. I complain about how I will die in the process of jumping. I cry out to God daily, "I won't make it." However, God keeps saying to jump. This past week, I finally jumped in so many ways towards what God is leading me to. You know what I found....all along God was there to catch me. Its crazy to me how it is so hard to just do what God speaks sometimes. I am thankful that in unexpected times God can help me take the leaps I need to.

Look Beyond!

"Do not judge a man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to God." Francis Roberts

James 2:3-4 "If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here's a good seat for you,' bt say to the poor man, 'You stand here' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet' have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts."

This simple thought brought me to my knees tonight! There are so many times when I look at people and think they aren't worth my time. I must admit that there have been times when I have looked at the junior high girl who feels called to be a missionary with much love and looked with judgment upon the girl who wears black, sits in a corner, and refuses to listen to you when you try to talk to her. I don't know why I do this, but its much more easier for me to get along with an extrovert than the quiet, misunderstood person.

However, I am moved by the thought that Christ died for all. When his eyes fall upon my youth ministry he doesn't see students the way I do....he see's students he died for and deeply loves. It is time for me to have a vision change. I want to be able to not judge people by their appearance but look at them through Christ eyes as his marvelous creation with boundless potential.

Isn't this why I am in ministry? This is the purpose of what I do....

I challenge you who might read this blog to refocuse your eyes today and begin to see those around you for who they can become in Christ. Don't let judgments stop you from loving. Look at those around ou with joy that God has called you to see who they can become!!!! He can change the cynic. He can change the hopeless. He can change the broken. He can change lives! We serve an awesome GOD!!!

Too funny!

If you know me at all...you know that some things just make me laugh! Well...I saw this dog in this vehicle the other night when I was returning videos at a local rental place.

It was tooo cute! I don't think I've laughed that hard in awhile. For some reason it reminded me of the scene in Open Season when it looked to the hunter like the little dog was driving the rv!

Anyways...I guess I ought to get some sleep now! Hope this will give you something to laugh about! :)

Dancing Piggies!

So for Christmas this past year my brother gave me two very amazing gifts! These are in fact singing pigs that dance. However, when I tore open the package and pressed the botton to play them nothing happened. You see....my brother had forgotten to but the most important item....batteries! Without the batteries the pigs were nothing more than a stuffed animal. However, once I found batteries and put them in...it was a joy to watch the singing pigs dance over and over again. However, I noticed that after a few days the novelty wore off and I didn't really laught quite as hard anymore when they danced for me. It made me think...now don't give me a hard time...I know I tend to spiritualize things I shouldn't.... but it trigured this thought! How often do we treat God like a novelty that has worn off. When we first experienced him or had an experience we were consummed by him, but then the novelty wears off and we treat God like he's nothing.

These little dancing piggies are challenging me to wake up every morning and pursue God like I never have before. Like he is a package that I have yet to unwrapp!

Why do I fear the Unknown

Well...I find myself back at CBC for my last semester! It is during this time I realize what I am about to launch into. It is an incredible responsibility. I have lived since I was 13 for this very moment when I am able to go into full-time ministry. Still...I found that over Christmas I began to fear and become apprehensive. I never knew it would feel this way. It is a plac where I find myself launching myself out into the unknown....just me and God. I have never been in this place before.

Something I realized today in chapel is that it is easy to only partially trust God. This semester I am learning to truly trust God with all I am. Why? Well....in 4 months I graduate and I still have no idea where I will end up. In this moment, I am learning that the unknown is actually one of the greatest times to grow in God...because when you walk toward the unknown all you have is the call.

So I toss away fear of the unknown! I can do this because I know that GOd will bring me through. He didn't call me at 13 to be a youth pastor and bring me all the way through Bible College to just leave me know. I can trust God because I KNOW THAT IN HIM he will bring me through!

Well...I will leave now this random ramblings upon the mind of this soon to graduate senior!