Emotions

Emotions are numbing sometimes. You know how you have felt for so long, but you hide it deep down. However, some days it comes up and stares you in the face. It is pointless to deny it, because you know that is has been there all along. But to feel it is harder than to bury it.

Tonight I had to face my emotions yet again. I thought I had conquered them, had them under control and then Bam. Just kidding! It was really a tough moment for me. They were right there again.

So I must wonder what to do with them tonight. It is a good thing that I can again hand them up to God. Hand the source of the emotions up to God. In his Hands, they are yet again secure. He will work all things about for the good of me and my heart.

The Monument Place

I find myself in a place where I want to build a monument dedicated to all the things my Lord Jesus Christ has done in my life. I think that there would be far to many stones to stack in a neat little pile. I imagine that the pile would go on and on for miles. To truly think of all the things my God does for me on a daily basis astounds me. To think that God looked down upon the entire Universe and chose me to be his daughter and his agent to be a youth pastor and reach a generation of students.

Call me crazy, but this is what drives me. There is still so much to be done; so many more stones to be thrown in that stack, but the responsibility lies in my hands. There is a world to reach, but I can choose to do nothing about it. Should I be happy with a gathering of students, when there is a middle school and high school more of students who are devoid of a life with God? Who am I to pretend that the homelessness that is becoming more and more prevalent on the street is okay? Who am I to not give a rip about another family getting ruined by a divorce? Who am I to think that I have somehow arrived?

The fact of the matter is, sometimes in staring at the monument we don’t move beyond it to make a new monument. The point of life is not to make one great huge monument and camp out there. The point is to keep going, keep believing, keep risking, keep walking, keep jumping, keep seeing when no one else can, keep praying, keep working, keep trusting….and keep living out this GOD LIFE!

Tonight I talked with my students and saw in them the attitude I want to develop. When God gives you a challenge, you take it on, not just partially but with guts. Keep believing God that today just might be the day that He will yet again do a great work.

I don’t know about you, but I am folding my chair up and hitting the road. I am ready to see some serious God stuff happen in my personal life, Carpenters House, Element Student Ministries, my leaders lives, students lives, and the lives of the people I work with!

The power of Prayer

There is something about staring your dying Grandpa in the eyes and trying to tell him to have faith in God, that God loves him and can work in a miracle in his situation. I don't know about you, but in moments like this I don't feel much like a woman of faith, nontheless a Pastor. Its hard to stand up for your faith with family. You want to make them understand so badly their need to just trust in God.

Over the past month, I have watched my Grandpa grow weaker and weaker, losing more weight than I ever thought possible. I can see what the cancer is doing to him. I hear more reports from doctors than I ever care to hear. They all are at best the worst scenario. In moments like this, its tough to remind yourself that God is bigger!

Right now, I don't know what to feel. One of my heroes is dying, and there is nothing I can do but pray. I know prayer seems a little weak to me at the moment, but I remind myself of its power. Knowing the power of prayer, I wanted to ask you guys to please pray for my Grandpa and my family.

Specifically, pray my Grandpa would accept Jesus Christ into his heart. Pray that he would be healed of cancer, pray for my step-grandma trying to take care of him, and pray for my family who is very torn up about this whole situation.

An Average Day in the mind of a youth pastor

Today I am planning for Element! There is so much that goes into youth pastoring, the stuff that no one ever see's, besides those closest to you.

Today I am trying to figure out how to disciple students. It is not always easy. I am going to give you a glimpse into what is on my mind today. If you have any tips or advice, I welcome it!

1. I want to start managing my time better.
• Get better Rest/Exercise
• Put my relationship with Christ #1
• Make time for the LOST
• Make prayer an absolute must
• Take time out for Relaxing/friends/social life/thinking/Doing what I love

2. I want to start walking in faith!
• Actively believing for flat out miracles in students lives. (Freedom from drugs, addiction, redemption in broken families)
• Begin to think risky. Be willing to do “Untraditional Things” with my life personally and as a Pastor.
• Wait/Trust in God. (For a move of God in myself, in Element, with my future/ bringing along my husband, etc.)

3. I want to begin to DREAM Big Again.
• I want to do what has never been done before.
• See God do the impossible and laugh in Satan’s face!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Coffee shop????
• Radical new discipleship???
• What to do with all the time I put into Liberty? Can I find a better job to lead me to a better avenue to reach Willard? Start a coffee shop?????
• Or do I need to keep my Liberty job and just believe God to open doors despite 40 hrs being given to my job?

4. Be creative!
• How can we make Element different?
• A place where God is free to move?
• Not stiff in a schedule service and structure. Yes we will be structured, but not so structured that God can’t mess up our service.
• How do we begin to truly disciple these not so “unchurched” students anymore?
• How do we disciple students who are still very much living “IN SIN” outside of Element? How do we help them get free from sin?
• How do we engage the guys in Willard?
• How do we grow? By sending out students out to be our greatest promoters!
• How do we manage what we have and help students grow deeply in love with God?

Service:
• Pre-Service Prayer
• Creativity in Presentation. (Video/skits/energy/serious/drama???????)
• Worship—how do we make it not routine???
• Sermon—How I present it??? (Change/random/entertaining, but in purpose not to entertain….but teach students how to love God.
• Altar Time—How do we keep if fresh—keep students connecting with God?

Outside of Service:
• Develop discipleship. (One-on-One/Group? Small groups, but where?)
• Mentoring Program—Teach leaders how to mentor students
• Develop relationships—Focus more on beings strategic about “LIVING LIFE” with students!

Thoughts:

• Do more sermon series focus, with discipleship follow up????
• Be Ahead of schedule/with videos/service ideas.
• Hang out with at least one student a week outside of Element Service

Readability

Readability. The dictionary definition is the state or quality of being readable. Every author wants readability for their book. They want people to not only read it but understand it. They want everything to flow. Its all out there on paper: their thoughts, their passions, what statement they are trying to make. Its out in the open to be read by all. An extension of themselves on paper to either be embraced by another or tossed aside.

I like a good readable book, most people who are readers would agree. However, do you realize that our lives are readable? Every day someone is reading you, and your actions are telling a story! For those of us striving to live for God and point others to the Kingdom of God, this should be a good reminder. How I act is telling a story that people around me read.

What story are people reading through the actions of your life today?

The hand of God Favor

I had a conversation the other night with a youth leader of mine. In it I received one of the best compliments of my life. He said, "April the strength of you as a leader is not that you are always the best at everything, but the fact that you have lived a life of purity and the ears of God hear your cries and the favor of God follows you. Everything you touch God blesses. You may not be the best at something, but he will align you with someone who will help make the best happen. Everything you touch, the favor of God seems to come upon and make into gold."

I began to think about the favor/blessing of God. God favor aligns you in a place where your life will bring him glory. You might be successful, but its not to point a finger at yourself and say--LOOK at ME! Rather, people look at your life and say look at what God is doing through her.

I think being in church planting provides the perfect opportunity to shout a life that proves that God really does bless those who remain true to him and follow him out of devotion to His heart. I think of Element. Last week, we had 29 students filling a gym. In a little over nine months--LOOK WHAT GOD HAS DONE. I founded Element with no ideas on how to plant a youth ministry! God really did breath his favor over it. He has brought the funds, leaders, and miracles.

So my question to you today is, "Are you living a life worth of God breathing his favor over?"

Random Confessions!

"I'd rather be the woman who passionately pursued the heart of God than a woman who grabbed hold of all else and was completely empty. I desire to be a woman so desperately in love with her King that there is nothing she won't do for him, whether a man walks by her side or whether she walks alone."

I wrote these words a couple years ago! I don't remember all the details of that day, but I remember being in the CBC chapel with tears streaming down my face. It was a year when the Lord told me of what he was requiring of me for my life. It was a year of realizing that to truly follow God's calling for me would be one of the hardest things I would ever do. I realize this to be true! The people in my life who tried to shape my calling to the norm. The 58 rejections from churches this summer, along with numerous discouraging moments this summer all but took all I was. The times when I didn't know how I was going to provide for myself, the times when I didn't even have enough money for food or gas. The moments when things were hardest, were the moments when I realized that pursuing God's calling was indeed one of the hardest things I would ever face! The loneliness of walking alone sometimes. The realization that a silent apartment brings to you at night!

However, there is nothing more rewarding than pursuing God's calling. You see the Lord opened up doors...amazing doors. It was untraditional and raw. It was definitely unchartered territory! It is still. I don't feel alone because I have my students....and until God brings the man of my dreams into my life that has to be enough for me! God brings fulfillment in pouring my heart and all into ministry. I work at a bank to provide a way for me to do my passion. I don't feel empty at night because I am pursuing the heart of God as a woman youth pastor. I am pursueing something worthwhile. I desire to see a geneartion of students saved from a life of sin...a culture of sin! I have realized my worth in the love of Christ and there is nothing I won't do out of my love for Him.

Call me crazy....but I'll tell you that I am MOST ALIVE! Yeah...its tough. I'm not gonna lie. Just tonight I talked with my Mom about how lonely I was feeling and the struggles I was facing. However, I know....with as much emphatic zeal as could possibly fill my heart that its GONNA BE WORTH IT! :)